OK i think it is time to get back on the meds, if you read my blog most people would think that i am a looney!
I am so up and down, little things make me crazy and for the last couple of months, life has defiantly been crazy! I am so happy one day then so sad the next, it blows my mind! As you can see if you read my blog i have direction and am focused one minute then the next it all seems so sad and the world is at my feet and i am so sad and lonely.
I have polystic ovaries and my hormones are whacked!!! I normally take Diaformin which helps with my type 2 diabetes ( well pre diabetes) and my Polystic ovaries, it is great, it makes me stable, settles my hormones and i am a normal person! So NO major highs and low's! BUT, BUT , BUT, it has horrible side effects, nausea all the time, i feel like i am pregnant when on them, Diarrhoea becomes my norm.
But if i want to keep my Friends, not sound like a looney and have my family life return to normal, maybe i should go back on them. I think i will, and just have to put up with the side effects, apparently with long term use, the side effects get better.
Ok tomorrow i will be back on them. argggggggggg
P.S. To whoever reads this, i don't expect comments, sympathy etc, i have though about just making this private as if my own diary. Because i truly do write in here just to ramble, it keeps me sane and i like doing it. SO don't get offended if i do type something you don't like or don't think things are aimed at you or please don't think that i need a comment to make sure you are reading it. But please comment if you like, just know this is me, the raw me, no covers, no pretends and i am starting to not apologise for who i am, this is me, i am finding me and well people will just have to like me for me :) and i will just have to learn to love me
My slide SHow
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Super Excited!
I am super excited as we are having some good friends come up to visit this weekend coming!!
I am so excited i almost can't sleep!
Lots of fun planned but also mega relaxing times! I think there might even be a little adventure in there!
I was actually thinking back and when i was growing up mum and dad had a few good friends, but because we moved around allot, most of them lived all over Australia. But this worked out great for us kids and my parents. It meant that we would go on holidays to these friends houses and it was great! Some would live in the country and others on the beach. But i remember mum and dad always having these friends, they where constant, even though they didn't live in the same town when they did get together it was real friendship and they enjoyed themselves.
I am finding this out, i have recently ( just this week) been let down again by my expectations of great friendship. But this has not disheartened me against all friendship. I just need to relax, enjoy each day and if friendship comes along great, hopefully it is truthful and kindred type.
I have to learn not to put so much expectations on current friendships, otherwise i am just setting myself up for disappointment as it is always a recurring scene. One day that true friendship will come along, that long awaited best friend, where we live close to each oher, where you do everything together, laugh, giggle, enjoying being with each other, shop, movies, gossip, coffee and they truly truly want to hang out with you as much as you do with them, the initation is not always onesided.
Or is that something that they just put in the movies to make you all nostalgic and sentimental???..........
Who know's we will see.............
Here's to just being it the moment, enjoying friendship and not putting expectations on people.
and to finish of a true kindred friend once told me a great statement that i think is brilliant "Pure friendships and being truthful within them"
I am so excited i almost can't sleep!
Lots of fun planned but also mega relaxing times! I think there might even be a little adventure in there!
I was actually thinking back and when i was growing up mum and dad had a few good friends, but because we moved around allot, most of them lived all over Australia. But this worked out great for us kids and my parents. It meant that we would go on holidays to these friends houses and it was great! Some would live in the country and others on the beach. But i remember mum and dad always having these friends, they where constant, even though they didn't live in the same town when they did get together it was real friendship and they enjoyed themselves.
I am finding this out, i have recently ( just this week) been let down again by my expectations of great friendship. But this has not disheartened me against all friendship. I just need to relax, enjoy each day and if friendship comes along great, hopefully it is truthful and kindred type.
I have to learn not to put so much expectations on current friendships, otherwise i am just setting myself up for disappointment as it is always a recurring scene. One day that true friendship will come along, that long awaited best friend, where we live close to each oher, where you do everything together, laugh, giggle, enjoying being with each other, shop, movies, gossip, coffee and they truly truly want to hang out with you as much as you do with them, the initation is not always onesided.
Or is that something that they just put in the movies to make you all nostalgic and sentimental???..........
Who know's we will see.............
Here's to just being it the moment, enjoying friendship and not putting expectations on people.
and to finish of a true kindred friend once told me a great statement that i think is brilliant "Pure friendships and being truthful within them"
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Lazy Day!
Well today i slept in until 10am :) Paul was up at about 9, so tended to the kids, was lovely its starting to be a lovely recurrence.
But not much else got done. since miss I wasn't aloud to go to school this week things have been pretty laxed. I did have big intentions on doing heaps of cleaning but that didn't happen, just a few loads of washing.
The kids and i took a nice walk up to the park in the sunshine, played there for around an hour and then headed back. All laid back and slumbery type feel to it.
Prince J has been studying the target toy catalogue sale all night, anything to do with cars he wants! And Princess I has told me about 10 different things she just has to have! Where have the days gone that kids really badly want something and then have to wait what feels like years to receive this gift. And when they do receive it it is the best thing that has ever happened!
Well that is how i remember it as a kid, there was always something that we really had our heart set on and we loved it when we got it!
My children are so spoilt! They constantly get toys through out the year even though it isn't their birthday or Christmas. So when it comes time for the present giving, ourselves and other people don't know what to get them as they already have everything. And to make it sink in even more they get lots of presents and have some excitement about them but only for a little bit.
So we haven't been buying any special gifts for about the last month as i am trying to instill in them the pleasure of receiving a gift that you really desire.
So hence why i think Christmas will be fantastic this year, the children are only going to be given a few toys, but something that they really really want. So i have them looking in the toy catlogues getting some ideas so we will see.
Also i think we are saving so much money as we arnt constantly spending money here and there. Time to buckle up and get some real savings happening.
Something out of the ordinary also happened, we have someone living with us and she is a peculiar little creature. I have had some suspicions but now they have been confirmed of some behaviour. She cuts herself on her arms, it is horrible to see and i finally confronted her about it tonight and she confirmed that she does it because she gets depressed. Now what is the next steps to take, should i just ignore it, should I tell her teachers, should i try and help?
My first reaction was to get on the Internet and research it, but as Mr P says it isn't our problem. But the fixer inside of me wants to fix her, i know i cant, and i shouldn't see her as a project but it is sad. I asked if she has seen a doctor and she said yes, but that she isn't sick.
I just hope that my children never EVER feel they need to resort to that sort of self mutilation!
until next time......... Have fun with the toy catalogues as we are :)
But not much else got done. since miss I wasn't aloud to go to school this week things have been pretty laxed. I did have big intentions on doing heaps of cleaning but that didn't happen, just a few loads of washing.
The kids and i took a nice walk up to the park in the sunshine, played there for around an hour and then headed back. All laid back and slumbery type feel to it.
Prince J has been studying the target toy catalogue sale all night, anything to do with cars he wants! And Princess I has told me about 10 different things she just has to have! Where have the days gone that kids really badly want something and then have to wait what feels like years to receive this gift. And when they do receive it it is the best thing that has ever happened!
Well that is how i remember it as a kid, there was always something that we really had our heart set on and we loved it when we got it!
My children are so spoilt! They constantly get toys through out the year even though it isn't their birthday or Christmas. So when it comes time for the present giving, ourselves and other people don't know what to get them as they already have everything. And to make it sink in even more they get lots of presents and have some excitement about them but only for a little bit.
So we haven't been buying any special gifts for about the last month as i am trying to instill in them the pleasure of receiving a gift that you really desire.
So hence why i think Christmas will be fantastic this year, the children are only going to be given a few toys, but something that they really really want. So i have them looking in the toy catlogues getting some ideas so we will see.
Also i think we are saving so much money as we arnt constantly spending money here and there. Time to buckle up and get some real savings happening.
Something out of the ordinary also happened, we have someone living with us and she is a peculiar little creature. I have had some suspicions but now they have been confirmed of some behaviour. She cuts herself on her arms, it is horrible to see and i finally confronted her about it tonight and she confirmed that she does it because she gets depressed. Now what is the next steps to take, should i just ignore it, should I tell her teachers, should i try and help?
My first reaction was to get on the Internet and research it, but as Mr P says it isn't our problem. But the fixer inside of me wants to fix her, i know i cant, and i shouldn't see her as a project but it is sad. I asked if she has seen a doctor and she said yes, but that she isn't sick.
I just hope that my children never EVER feel they need to resort to that sort of self mutilation!
until next time......... Have fun with the toy catalogues as we are :)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
The Green Eyed Monster!
I never thought i was a jealous person, but i have found out i am!! ARGGGG someone needs to keep the Green eyed monster at bay.
The weird thing is I am not usually jealous, well not over my husband anyway. But a strange feeling hit me this morning and it isn't one i am very familiar with, a stabbing pain of jealousy over friendship???!!?? WHAT! HA! CRAZY!
I have a few acquaintances and not awhole lot of close friends, no one real best friend in Brisbane. I have friends in coffs :) But well doesn't help when i want to catch up for coffee on a regular basis go catch a movie. Anyway the there is a lovely girl whom i have Bean friends with for about 5 years, since the girls where 3 months old. She has come and gone out of my life, but has recently moved back and we have been hanging out allot. She has a friend whom she has known all of her life, and they live in the same suburb and have started a fitness program together and hanging out more.
I found myself saying, how dare she, she should do everything with me, she shouldn't have any other friends!!! So weird, maybe i am premenstrual, OR just crazy :P
So a good hard slap across my face brought me back to my senses, also made my hand and face hurt. I don't own people, i should be happy to share friends around. Maybe i just want people to want to be my friend, to need me............. I like to feel wanted. I think everyone does :)
Anyway so i am back to my old self, but weird how sometimes that Green eyed monster can be lurking under the surface and just jump out and scare you at anytime!
The weird thing is I am not usually jealous, well not over my husband anyway. But a strange feeling hit me this morning and it isn't one i am very familiar with, a stabbing pain of jealousy over friendship???!!?? WHAT! HA! CRAZY!
I have a few acquaintances and not awhole lot of close friends, no one real best friend in Brisbane. I have friends in coffs :) But well doesn't help when i want to catch up for coffee on a regular basis go catch a movie. Anyway the there is a lovely girl whom i have Bean friends with for about 5 years, since the girls where 3 months old. She has come and gone out of my life, but has recently moved back and we have been hanging out allot. She has a friend whom she has known all of her life, and they live in the same suburb and have started a fitness program together and hanging out more.
I found myself saying, how dare she, she should do everything with me, she shouldn't have any other friends!!! So weird, maybe i am premenstrual, OR just crazy :P
So a good hard slap across my face brought me back to my senses, also made my hand and face hurt. I don't own people, i should be happy to share friends around. Maybe i just want people to want to be my friend, to need me............. I like to feel wanted. I think everyone does :)
Anyway so i am back to my old self, but weird how sometimes that Green eyed monster can be lurking under the surface and just jump out and scare you at anytime!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
OK no more dismal posts, well not all of the time!
Hey hey, lots of stuff happening in my life atm, Its crazy, miserable, hopefull and sad.
And allot of it is my doing! I am not happy about it, but i can't sit around blaming everyone or anything.
I remember a long lost Kimmy, someone who used to have everybody like her, she had lots of friends and a really busy life. She had life goals, was cheerful, fun to be around and just happy. She loved to make everyone happy and loved to just laugh and play all day.
Where has she gone? Should i put out a missing add, or maybe a picture on the back of a milk cartoon?
No more aims, no more lists, just trying to be me. The Kimmy i want to be. I know she is still in there under the misery, self pity and selfishness. Yuck! WHO would want to hang out or talk to miss misery all of the time. BLAH!
Just wanna be happy, play and live each day, be in the moment, not so disconnected and sad all of the time. Not just put on a front, take control of the way i feel and how i choose to act.
SO here's to happy times, sorting things and just living in the moment. It will take time and allot of effort,but i just have to do it otherwise i will suffocate.
Maybe to get me started i can just have a couple of bottles of wine each day, get rid of the nerves. Ohh that sounds good, wine makes me giggly and happy...............
And allot of it is my doing! I am not happy about it, but i can't sit around blaming everyone or anything.
I remember a long lost Kimmy, someone who used to have everybody like her, she had lots of friends and a really busy life. She had life goals, was cheerful, fun to be around and just happy. She loved to make everyone happy and loved to just laugh and play all day.
Where has she gone? Should i put out a missing add, or maybe a picture on the back of a milk cartoon?
No more aims, no more lists, just trying to be me. The Kimmy i want to be. I know she is still in there under the misery, self pity and selfishness. Yuck! WHO would want to hang out or talk to miss misery all of the time. BLAH!
Just wanna be happy, play and live each day, be in the moment, not so disconnected and sad all of the time. Not just put on a front, take control of the way i feel and how i choose to act.
SO here's to happy times, sorting things and just living in the moment. It will take time and allot of effort,but i just have to do it otherwise i will suffocate.
Maybe to get me started i can just have a couple of bottles of wine each day, get rid of the nerves. Ohh that sounds good, wine makes me giggly and happy...............
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