Whats New?

What's new? Not much really!

We have been busy not with anything major just the usual life of a busy mum. School, playgroups, work, trying to do abit of study.

Although i will say we have been abit stressed out again with family issues, certain members of our extended family really need to become adults! But i wont get into that...... It can be a tad draining.

I have a few projects on the go at the moment. Going through all of our video tapes, putting them onto a hard drive so that we have some spare tapes to take away for xmas.
Also making scrapbooks for the kiddies, all of their past craft creations.
And my general scrapbooking, which i have let slip behind, but i am determined to get on top of it :)

Also i am starting to think about Christmas presents, what to buy etc and i had better go and start buying/ layby. I have decided i am not going to do Christmas cards this year, people are going to get a Christmas email. Otherwise it is too expensive and people most chuck them out anyway.

No major weigh loss to speak off, still gradual, i can feel it in my clothes. Kicking up the Low GI eating more this week and i have an exercise bike now, so while watching Oprah when the kids are asleep i will be working out on that in addition to my half an hour walk in the mornings. I am also thinking about incorporating some weight training, but slow and steady.

My next goal is not to have the muffin top! HHAHHAA I am glad i can laugh at myself now.

Until next time, adure!

Computers

I love having my lap top back in operation. Like today i can sit in the lounge room, watch the V8 race at bathurst and also check what is going on on the net. Paul fixed it, new keyboard as i spilt beer on my last one and it stopped working. I had to use a plug in one, big and bulky. My battery also didn't work, so i had to have it plugged into wherever i went. So new battery and new keyboard. I just need a some Ram to make it go faster.

We have also fixed the car, well Paul did :) Our sub tank was never working and Paul and my dad decided to fix it last Saturday! Wohoo it would have cost $1200 or more to get it fixed. Clever Paul brought the parts and spent a day on it and it only ended up costing us $400. Big saving and Paul thinks he is very clever now!

I haven't been on the computer that much as of late, as it is boring. facebook sucks, nothing ever exciting happening, or should i say no one messaging me :(
But its good i have been a bit of a social butterfly, playgroups nearly ever day of last week. Its good, but i also think i need to find a balance as i need some time at home through out the week. Otherwise things just don't get done, washing, general cleaning.
Don't get me wrong my house is generally very clean, things put away etc because i run a business from it and i have a certain standard that is has to be kept. But that is just the visual ares, lounge room, kitchen etc. the rest my room and the kids room tend to get to a point that you cant even walk in the door, clothes and just general stuff everywhere. I haven't cleaned the bathrooms for over a week and they need to be done. So i might get stuck into that this afternoon maybe, if i don't have another beer while watching the bathurst. GO FORD! Ok now i am rambling.

Count down is on to our holiday, 11 weeks until we go to 1770! Paul and i are working very hard at the moment. I have two new children starting care, and Paul is pretty much doing 7 days a week so we can save up and have a well deserved holiday.

So also 11 weeks to go until i loose about 20kg! 7 down so far, not that most people notice. I don't blame them as i have only gone down half a size. It is so so slow but i am getting there and i am so determined i am going to do it this time. yay me.

Going good

not much to blog... Things are going really well. I am in a great place, happy and content :)

I am glad i did my spring cleaning last week, as the house is all sorted and i have been able to concentrate on starting at the new scheme. Now just to get a couple more children in care and i will be happy!

I am off to coffs harbour for my 10 year high school reunion! Crazy and so exciting! I wont have Paul and the kids with me for the weekend. I will miss them heaps but it will be a good and much needed break away.

Weight loss is slow but steady, i am so impatient, i wish it could just fall off, but it didn't take a week to put on 30kg! so it wont take a week to take it off. By Christmas i should be down to my goal weight, at least that is my goal :)

I love my new table!

Cutest thing ever today, Imogen decideed to put up some signs: NO BOYS

Yes to mum and Dad :)

And the other one said Yes to Girls. I have no idea where she got this idea, but she did it and it is so funny!
I am so happy i have my 8 seater table now it is so nice to entertain and just hang out around :)
I also have some lovely lillies that i have had for about 2 weeks now, they are all flowering and look so great on my table and dining room!.

Feeling Pumped!

I just got off the treadmill and feel pumped, especially after listening to pink for 40 minutes as well! Those endorphins really do work and make you feel good!

Well not much to post as of late...... i am not miserable and whingey so nothing to complain or blog about... geeze my blog wont know what has hit it :)

I have been on my medication, Diabex XR for a couple of days now and well it is doing its job! I feel pretty stable and i am not having major highs and lows. We just had a huge weekend, with lots of peeps over etc, usually i would have been a mess, so worried about what everybody thought of the house and me. But i didn't, things went smoothly and it was great! Probably helped that i had a great friend here helping me and keeping me sane.

I am not sure if everyone knows much about PCOS, i will fill you in later. But one of my constant battles is loosing some weight, but if i just don't exercise for one day or have alcohol or eat a carb what has taken me two weeks to loose I will put back on in a day! And that is what happened over the weekend, i had lost three kgs and worked bloody hard to loose it! But as i was drinking etc over the weekend can you believe in 2 days i gained 4kg! CRAZY!
So that is why i am excited about upping my meds and staying on them, because it will help my body make the right amount of insulin and my body will actually absorb the sugars etc like it is supposed to! I will keep you updated on the progress.

Things on the home front are great! Miss I is on the mend, chest all clear, we will be going for an X-Ray next week to make sure. Mr J is so cute as ever and saying more and learning colors and numbers. My other half, is awesome, being sweet and we are being good friends at the moment as well as lovers :)

And me, i am me and i am happy to be me. I am starting to make some progress. I feel everyday i am happier about my life and who i am. I choose to be who i want and i am slowly starting to realise i am fun to hang around with, i do have things to offer friends and best of all i am not second guessing myself all of the time!

20 days until we go to the PINK concert!!!!!! WOHOOOOO ! I am so excited, now to find out what i want to wear! LOL

Anyway until next time, much love and cheerful thoughts!

Should I make my life more easier and normal?

OK i think it is time to get back on the meds, if you read my blog most people would think that i am a looney!

I am so up and down, little things make me crazy and for the last couple of months, life has defiantly been crazy! I am so happy one day then so sad the next, it blows my mind! As you can see if you read my blog i have direction and am focused one minute then the next it all seems so sad and the world is at my feet and i am so sad and lonely.

I have polystic ovaries and my hormones are whacked!!! I normally take Diaformin which helps with my type 2 diabetes ( well pre diabetes) and my Polystic ovaries, it is great, it makes me stable, settles my hormones and i am a normal person! So NO major highs and low's! BUT, BUT , BUT, it has horrible side effects, nausea all the time, i feel like i am pregnant when on them, Diarrhoea becomes my norm.

But if i want to keep my Friends, not sound like a looney and have my family life return to normal, maybe i should go back on them. I think i will, and just have to put up with the side effects, apparently with long term use, the side effects get better.

Ok tomorrow i will be back on them. argggggggggg

P.S. To whoever reads this, i don't expect comments, sympathy etc, i have though about just making this private as if my own diary. Because i truly do write in here just to ramble, it keeps me sane and i like doing it. SO don't get offended if i do type something you don't like or don't think things are aimed at you or please don't think that i need a comment to make sure you are reading it. But please comment if you like, just know this is me, the raw me, no covers, no pretends and i am starting to not apologise for who i am, this is me, i am finding me and well people will just have to like me for me :) and i will just have to learn to love me

Super Excited!

I am super excited as we are having some good friends come up to visit this weekend coming!!
I am so excited i almost can't sleep!

Lots of fun planned but also mega relaxing times! I think there might even be a little adventure in there!

I was actually thinking back and when i was growing up mum and dad had a few good friends, but because we moved around allot, most of them lived all over Australia. But this worked out great for us kids and my parents. It meant that we would go on holidays to these friends houses and it was great! Some would live in the country and others on the beach. But i remember mum and dad always having these friends, they where constant, even though they didn't live in the same town when they did get together it was real friendship and they enjoyed themselves.

I am finding this out, i have recently ( just this week) been let down again by my expectations of great friendship. But this has not disheartened me against all friendship. I just need to relax, enjoy each day and if friendship comes along great, hopefully it is truthful and kindred type.

I have to learn not to put so much expectations on current friendships, otherwise i am just setting myself up for disappointment as it is always a recurring scene. One day that true friendship will come along, that long awaited best friend, where we live close to each oher, where you do everything together, laugh, giggle, enjoying being with each other, shop, movies, gossip, coffee and they truly truly want to hang out with you as much as you do with them, the initation is not always onesided.
Or is that something that they just put in the movies to make you all nostalgic and sentimental???..........
Who know's we will see.............

Here's to just being it the moment, enjoying friendship and not putting expectations on people.
and to finish of a true kindred friend once told me a great statement that i think is brilliant "Pure friendships and being truthful within them"

Lazy Day!

Well today i slept in until 10am :) Paul was up at about 9, so tended to the kids, was lovely its starting to be a lovely recurrence.

But not much else got done. since miss I wasn't aloud to go to school this week things have been pretty laxed. I did have big intentions on doing heaps of cleaning but that didn't happen, just a few loads of washing.

The kids and i took a nice walk up to the park in the sunshine, played there for around an hour and then headed back. All laid back and slumbery type feel to it.

Prince J has been studying the target toy catalogue sale all night, anything to do with cars he wants! And Princess I has told me about 10 different things she just has to have! Where have the days gone that kids really badly want something and then have to wait what feels like years to receive this gift. And when they do receive it it is the best thing that has ever happened!
Well that is how i remember it as a kid, there was always something that we really had our heart set on and we loved it when we got it!

My children are so spoilt! They constantly get toys through out the year even though it isn't their birthday or Christmas. So when it comes time for the present giving, ourselves and other people don't know what to get them as they already have everything. And to make it sink in even more they get lots of presents and have some excitement about them but only for a little bit.
So we haven't been buying any special gifts for about the last month as i am trying to instill in them the pleasure of receiving a gift that you really desire.
So hence why i think Christmas will be fantastic this year, the children are only going to be given a few toys, but something that they really really want. So i have them looking in the toy catlogues getting some ideas so we will see.

Also i think we are saving so much money as we arnt constantly spending money here and there. Time to buckle up and get some real savings happening.

Something out of the ordinary also happened, we have someone living with us and she is a peculiar little creature. I have had some suspicions but now they have been confirmed of some behaviour. She cuts herself on her arms, it is horrible to see and i finally confronted her about it tonight and she confirmed that she does it because she gets depressed. Now what is the next steps to take, should i just ignore it, should I tell her teachers, should i try and help?

My first reaction was to get on the Internet and research it, but as Mr P says it isn't our problem. But the fixer inside of me wants to fix her, i know i cant, and i shouldn't see her as a project but it is sad. I asked if she has seen a doctor and she said yes, but that she isn't sick.

I just hope that my children never EVER feel they need to resort to that sort of self mutilation!

until next time......... Have fun with the toy catalogues as we are :)

The Green Eyed Monster!

I never thought i was a jealous person, but i have found out i am!! ARGGGG someone needs to keep the Green eyed monster at bay.

The weird thing is I am not usually jealous, well not over my husband anyway. But a strange feeling hit me this morning and it isn't one i am very familiar with, a stabbing pain of jealousy over friendship???!!?? WHAT! HA! CRAZY!

I have a few acquaintances and not awhole lot of close friends, no one real best friend in Brisbane. I have friends in coffs :) But well doesn't help when i want to catch up for coffee on a regular basis go catch a movie. Anyway the there is a lovely girl whom i have Bean friends with for about 5 years, since the girls where 3 months old. She has come and gone out of my life, but has recently moved back and we have been hanging out allot. She has a friend whom she has known all of her life, and they live in the same suburb and have started a fitness program together and hanging out more.

I found myself saying, how dare she, she should do everything with me, she shouldn't have any other friends!!! So weird, maybe i am premenstrual, OR just crazy :P

So a good hard slap across my face brought me back to my senses, also made my hand and face hurt. I don't own people, i should be happy to share friends around. Maybe i just want people to want to be my friend, to need me............. I like to feel wanted. I think everyone does :)

Anyway so i am back to my old self, but weird how sometimes that Green eyed monster can be lurking under the surface and just jump out and scare you at anytime!

OK no more dismal posts, well not all of the time!

Hey hey, lots of stuff happening in my life atm, Its crazy, miserable, hopefull and sad.
And allot of it is my doing! I am not happy about it, but i can't sit around blaming everyone or anything.

I remember a long lost Kimmy, someone who used to have everybody like her, she had lots of friends and a really busy life. She had life goals, was cheerful, fun to be around and just happy. She loved to make everyone happy and loved to just laugh and play all day.

Where has she gone? Should i put out a missing add, or maybe a picture on the back of a milk cartoon?

No more aims, no more lists, just trying to be me. The Kimmy i want to be. I know she is still in there under the misery, self pity and selfishness. Yuck! WHO would want to hang out or talk to miss misery all of the time. BLAH!

Just wanna be happy, play and live each day, be in the moment, not so disconnected and sad all of the time. Not just put on a front, take control of the way i feel and how i choose to act.

SO here's to happy times, sorting things and just living in the moment. It will take time and allot of effort,but i just have to do it otherwise i will suffocate.

Maybe to get me started i can just have a couple of bottles of wine each day, get rid of the nerves. Ohh that sounds good, wine makes me giggly and happy...............

HMMMM FISH!

Paul is out fishing at the moment, another over nighter. Men have the easy life don't they!

I hope he comes back with lots and lots of yummy fish like he did last time. Snapper, Some kind of Cod and a coral something... opps bad on names.

There is nothing like fresh fresh fish! Cooked in the oven with Tomato, garlic, onion and olive oil all wrapped up in foil, oh the flavour!

Hmm served with Mashed potato and salad.......

Pink, can you ever have too much pink? I think NOT!

OK so i am think i am slowly moving into the obsessive stage of P!NK! I have liked her music for a very long time, she is awesome, fantastic and inspirational!.

Yes you guess it, i love pink. I love how she has the courage to still be herself, although constantly ridiculed for speaking out, going against the grain, about things that she really believes in. She knows who she is. She sees life as her playgroup and strives to have fun every day! She does not try to be anybody different, she is just who is she, and that doesn't bother her one bit!

She is honest, i love honesty! She speaks the truth and if you don't like it then well sorry she didn't really mean to hurt your feelings, but why colour coat the truth, just say it.

I love how she has gone through a messy time with her husband, but all the way she hasn't hid, she has wanted to share everything with the public as she isnt ashamed of who is she or her mistakes! She has been honest and they are happy and back to together, They are "yummy" in her words.

Most of all i love her music, I love the stories that she tells because everyone can relate to her, she is human and a god damn good one. She tries to make the best of what she has ( when she didn't have anything). She writes and sings about the love, fun and how messy life is!

Am i too old to have an Idol? Ok i am 28, P!NK is 30 in September. I don't want to be exactly like PINK, but i would like to take some things away from what she sings about. I want to live my life "God is a DJ and Life is a dance floor". I would love to dance my way through life, sometimes falling down but always getting back up to dance. I love to dance and i love to live life. I just wish i could own the person who i am, know who i am and be proud of it!

Well as that is one of my AIMS that i hope to complete by the end of this year, I hope i can truly find myself with PINK being one of my inspirations.

Sorry, there is no light and fluffy stuff in my blog. No no all deep, passionate crap that goes on in my head. If only i could be funny???????????? Maybe another AIM? LOL nah i think i better stick to the aims i have atm, have not completed one of them yet...............

Interesting post, but hey these are my ramblings :P

P.S. P!NK is so so good to work out to, you just wanna keep moving when you listen to her music!!

Angry, Crumpy, Self Pity, Depressed?

Ok I am here for a huge ramble, I am not looking for sympathy, ego boost or anything, i am just here blogging away because it makes me feel better!

I don't know what is happening lately? Maybe someone can enlighten me, make it all clear and then fix it.
Why does everything seem so hard?
Why does everything seem to be going wrong?
Why am i so self absorbed?
Why do i always set myself up, I'm gonna change, things are going to be better, i am going to be a better person etc etc, but then i miserably fail at it?

It seems no matter what i do lately, it always ends in a flop...
It is a vicious cycle and i don't know how to break it. I get so inspired, worked up, yep i am going to do this, maybe things will change for a whole 3 days or a week if i am lucky. But then i seem to unknowingly slip right back into the old habits. Is this caused by lack of will, sheer laziness or what?

After each episode, wheather it be the best new diet out, the plan of keeping my house spotless, the plan of spending more time with the kids and staying off the computer, or the plan of being a better wife/friend, I fall, and it is a long fall when you put yourself on that pedestal, and even worse when someone else has put you on that pedestal.

I need answers, maybe it all just does come down to failure, is this why other things are failing in my life? Why we have no friends, why we cant get ahead financially, why everything is such a disaster? When i get into thinking like this i make big plans to fix it, try harder do things better, but really what is the point when i know it will all end the same again, and then this vicious cycle will start over and over.........

Dismal post, but blah you get that, i am sure i will feel better after spending some time with the kids. Hey maybe a miracle will happen, like winning the lottery and making some new friends :)

Quickie But Goodie

Ok not much time, As i am mega exhausted but thought that i would do a small post.

I had a really great day!
The kids and i went to the park this afternoon, normally i just sit there and watch them play.
But i decided to get off my butt and join in, it was so uplifting and great!
I ran up the slippery slide with them, i went down it. I swung so high on the swing and i got a rush like i do when i am on the roller coaster.
I ran around and around with them, it was great.
It was so nice to just let go of insecurities, oh my what will people think of me, will i break the equipment etc. I think as adults we forget the true meaning of life, that life is to be lived. Its about time i started finding my inner kid again and have a great time with my kids.

Then i decided to venture out and try a different meal tonight. I cooked RISOTTO. At first i thought it was going to be so hard to make, but it is actually quiet simple, you just need to stir it constantly. The dinner turned out quiet nicely, pork, honey mustard with risotto, Yum. The kids even ate most of it :)

So i am about to have a super early night now, i didn't sleep much last night.

Night night

Organised.

Well i am actually doing one of my aims, hey no actually i did two of my aims today YAY!

I went for an half an hour walk this morning, man i have so much more energy today. I think the mornings are my best time to exercise, during the lunch time break i just want to sit down and relax and by night, it is so hectic in our house, dinner, homework, play and bed.
So mornings it is, even if i get up at 6am before everyone else, I'm pretty sure it will work as i am more a morning person then a night!

Other Aim is getting organised. My house is managing to stay clean! I did a huge spring clean, toys cupboards etc, everything has a place now. So when i have to run around and clean up it is generally just a few clothes and toys toys toys! I have decided that Monday will be my cleaning day, if i get it all done on the day then the rest of the week can be spent enjoy my family and friends and that means no house work on the weekend. The house can get dirty on the weekend and then Monday, Wallah all clean again.

Mondays = cleaning and getting organised for the week:
So hence, bathrooms will be cleaned, I love Bleach :)
All washing started, well i do a load every day anyway so i am staying on top of that.
Floors Vacuumed and Mopped. Sheets also changed.

Lets see if i can keep on top of this for more then two weeks. I am being optimistic and think i will, as the general, make beds and clean the house in the morning should only take half an hour and then i have the rest of the day to do as i please and work of course :)

Hmm being as it is a Monday i am going to just clean the windows and my wardrobe, after my mid day coffee :)

Toodles!

Less is more?

Ok yes, i am finally blogging, it has been what 5 months now. How time fly's. I have meant to blog before this but never seemed to get around to it.

So here i am actually blogging with a fresh new approach and new thoughts and ideas. Just like my new Years blog.

I have had allot of stuff happening lately, which i will re tell on another day. This blog is to just re state that i have been very lost lately but have found renewed passion and interest to do things " right".

Aim 1: To spend no more then $150 a week on groceries and stop buying take away ( this will defiantly help the budget and the waist line). So shopping back at Aldi i think

Aim 2: To eat healthy and walk everyday!

Aim 3: While we are eating healthy, i will be getting out all of cook books and looking for new ideas for dinners and snack. We are getting abit tired of the same old things, hence buying take away.

Aim 4: I do FDC, so i am home with the kids and i should be planning more and doing more creative things. SO i will plan my days more effectively for my son and for work. Craft, cleaning etc will all be incorporated.

Aim 5: I have a renewed passion for my job, so i am going to give it my all!@

Aim 6: Plan family activities, we don't need to spend money on the weekends to have fun.

So just a few new goals that are achievable if i stick with them.

I must say over the last week i had a life changing experience. I need to appreciate my life more and not take it for granted.
I do have a wonderful husband that is sweet and kind and is my best friend.
I have healthy and wonderful children, i thank god that they are not sick in a hospital, or that we are so poor in a third world country where they do not have enough to eat and have to go out and work at 6, cannot go to school and have a chance to be a child.
I have a nice house and belongings, we may not have a big backyard but it is what i make it! At least we have a house, and don't live in a hut with a dirt floor.
I am fat because i have lots of food readily available and i can afford it, we are not starving!

So there are many things in life that i have not be appreciating and i have been taking them all for granted. I am blessed to have a fantastic life, to be happy and healthy. I am blessed to have two children that are mainly always well behaved and who have good kind souls.

I believe that we do not need everything, the big tv's the big modern house, the boat, the best car. My aim is to see if less really is more, by trying not to buy so many material possession's, we can certainly make do with what we have.
To not spend a fortune on junk food and fast food, to start to cook more hearty healthy foods, to make my dinning table the place where my family and friends connect. Also buy not spending so much we will be saving.
To not spend so much money on the weekend entertaining the family, re invent games we like to play, enjoying doing simple things, in this way me just might find out less is more.

SO these are my goals and aims at the moment, lets see what journey they take me on.

First Blog

Ok the first blog, i will often come in here and rambling away, most of it wont make sense but it is my space and i will enjoy it :)